I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
operation have a gay friend backfired
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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