I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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