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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
