i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
whose ass print is on the piano?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
