Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
