Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
