And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
