remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
