How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
