maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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