i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
