I feel great
I just peed on a car
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
