I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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