Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
