i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
