I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
