I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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