so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
