Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize