sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
