I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
