so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
