When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
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...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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