My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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