Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You may now shotgun with the bride
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
