Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
