For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
