I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
