So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
