i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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