Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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