she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
