We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
