Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
there is glitter all over my balls
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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