I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
