Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
