you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
