Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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