I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
