dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
