I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sobbing to NWA
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
