I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
