At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
