He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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