i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
