I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm passing your future prison.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
