You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
false alarm, still single
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
