Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
