Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
