I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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