I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if i can run in heels then i can drive
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
