Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
