i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
