Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
