somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
