And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
