Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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