i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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