Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
