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Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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