There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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