i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
