make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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