Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
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Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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