is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
