So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Too much gin, very little bucket
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
