We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
