Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
